Thursday, August 23, 2007

a faint light

When I graduated from college in my late 30's with an art degree, I purchased for myself a simple thin silver bracelet cuff with the wise words of Mr. Henry David Thoreau engraved on the front.

“Go confidently in the direction of our dreams! Live the life you've imagined.”

—Henry David Thoreau

This bracelet was not only a reward for myself, for having struggled through 4 years of schooling along with working 30 hours a week, but a reminder that I COULD indeed have the life I imagined!

I wear this cuff everyday... and everyday, I hold it in my hands, read those immortal words, and pray for strength and guidance on this one journey of mine. Confident and knowing all the while that I AM following my passion.. my true heart.. my bliss....

Today, I must stop and ask.. myself... why.. after all this time.. and with all the challenges I have faced... is change... STILL so hard?

I currently find myself in the middle of a big change... never fear it is nothing life threatening or tragic. This change is actually something that I have wanted, have talked about, and somewhat prepared for. However, this change is not exact happening the way I thought it might.

Funny... how we can find ourselves lamenting over a situation we wish we could make different.

Yet, I truly believe, deep down in my heart, that I DO have the ability to change most, if not all, of my situations for the better. But sometimes I pull back...

Is it because I am comfortable.. maybe uncomfortably so... foolishly playing it safe rather than change?

However, despite all the nay saying that goes on in this world and the moments I spend riddled with doubt or fear...I know I will survive and thrive... even through this little change.

it is these days filled with wondering
in the twists and turns of fate, of life

writhing in the sometimes violent downpours
and blinding waves of change

with silent prayers, asking for strength,
searching amidst the darkness, to find the way

swaddling a heart, tangled and torn,
left in the thicket of a languished end

and those final moments overflowing with
dry brittle leaves of past, bitter sweet memories

I walk forward....making careful steps onward,
in this one journey, brave and new from each battle

looking for that faint light
to appear on the horizon

it is there in the distant glow
that hope is waiting to take my hand.


Crafty Green Poet said...

that bird is so beautiful, I like the music background too! Change is always disturbing, even if it is change that we look for.

Lee W. said...

I think change is hard sometimes because- as you said- we picture it in our heads as one way, but it happens another way. I think this is part of the plan- to make us grow. Change is hard because it taps into the natural fear of the unknown. But, most things can be "undone"- so, if you're not happy, change again!

gautami tripathy said...

Go, face change. It will do you good. Change is inevitable. It will happen even if you don't wish it. Every moment brings change.

Tammy said...

I loved your bird and the image of hope taking your hand. I love change but am living in temporary limbo...argh!

kecia said...

oh, what a beautiful bird! i cherish birds...... found your blog thru kim (artdogslife). i thought i recognized your name for some reason and now i know that you teach! i've seen your work and it is gorgeous.

change is always hard in the beginning and then suddenly the change is over and we are comfortable again!

JJ said...

Looks like we are in the same boat, change is inevitable but when it has such impact on our day to day lives it sometimes comes with fear, trepidation but also gleeful anticipation of what is to whether it is fortune cookies, tea leaves or a magic 8 ball that helps us along the way...we will make the decision that right for us and everyone around us....sitting in Seatle as a type waiting on the ferry to take us to Port Townsend for the evening...wish you were here to join us for dinner.

tricia samsal said...

A few years back I was in a store and saw a picture that had an Emily Dickinson quote "Dwell in Possibility" That quote compelled me to change my life. I was going thru a rough time and contemplating change in my life as well. Divorce. I decided on divorce because I was suffocated and miserable. It was scary but in that change I found what true love feels like. And I don't regret the change I made. I am happy and free. It truly felt like I was jumping off a cliff-scary and wonderful at the same time.

annie said...

hey sweetheart...i just had to let you know that i am so thankful that we met...and share a friendship. this quote is one of my all time favs. seems fitting that it is one of yours. change...well, it's something we grow from. love you...xo!mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!

Kim McCabe said...

I love your robin, so nicely done! Your blog is very enjoyable :)