Monday, August 25, 2008

At the Seaside

A delectable gem arrived on my doorstep Saturday via the post.

This jewel to hold in the palm of my hand has whisked me away to a beautiful memory. A memory I hold dear and love reliving over and over again of a trip to Maine. It is the one and only time I have been in this state, and I have longed to return since I left almost seven years ago.

After staring at the cover and filing through the first couple of pages for a good half hour, I suddenly became engulfed by an urge to run away... escape.

I must admit that I have felt a bit overwhelmed lately. Life continues to be full and good, and I am so, so incredibly grateful! Part of me does not want my lengthy to-do list to end.

Having lots to do means a bright future of more wonderful happenings and memories. And I know, in my heart, that when I am not busy, I tend to feel anxious and restless, so being too busy is almost better than not being busy at all.

But there is a deep longing inside that began quite a while ago and is becoming stronger and louder. I have been re-evaluating my path.

There are things I do right now, here today, that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be doing. It has only been ten years ago that I quit a career in the computer field to go back to school and work part time, just so I could become the person I was truly meant to be.

I still remember those difficult days and marvel at the fact that I was so determine, even though everyone around me thought I had completely lost my mind.

There are things I do right now, such as creating, teaching, writing that I could never ever let go of... these are a part of me, and who I am. They are not just hobbies, but are truly pieces of my soul that must be fed and nourished.

This deep longing, that continues to relentlessly tug at my heart, is begging me to give myself some breathing room so that I may grow in my art making. Not to be in such a hurry to produce quantity, but strive for greater quality.

My mind is always a constant swirl of creative ideas, but lately those ideas have swelled up to an insurmountable mass with a driving force behind them that I can no longer ignore.

So to quench this thirst, this yearning to expand and grow, I have decided to be more choosy and selective in my offerings. I still plan to provide lovely prints, poetry books, and gift tags for purchase and try to add to that selection on a more regular basis, giving customers more choices. But as for original artworks for sale, those will become very limited.

Hopefully, this will allow me to work on more intricate and detailed pieces, take a bit more time to nourish my creative side without the pressures of trying to quickly produce works.

I feel so relieved... to be saying this out loud to myself, as if a burden has been lifted. Giving me permission to focus and concentrate on really creating more meaningful art.

Have you ever felt this way, the need to set yourself back on a path, letting go of a notion to please or to do something you thought was right, but ended up not being so right? Most likely you have... but I wanted to say thank you for listening, for visiting this humble blog, for your wonderful words of encouragement that are given to me through emails and comments, and for sharing your own stories.