Still Here...

Dawns turning to twilights, days drifting by, the summer slipping away... And I finally find myself ready to step-out from under this protective emotional cloak I have been wearing since March... since my mother's death.

In my suspended state of mind, I had mostly retreated from my studio, painting, and creating. These activities replaced by quiet hours. Amidst the silence were moments of urgency, as I struggled to forge a new family dynamic between myself, my father and my sister (what would be our new roles, now that my mother is gone), the weight of discussing ignored and neglected subjects both past and present, as well as sorting and settling various aspects of my mother's estate.

After four month, the dust has settled, somewhat, and we are left to carry-on... but how?  I continue to ask myself... how? I have changed, I am changed, forever. Never having been touched by any real tragedy, some would say, "Consider yourself lucky."  But I don't feel lucky, I have felt lost.

Slowly, I have been making my way back to art and joy.  In the beginning, completely fueled by work demands of deadlines and expectations, I dragged myself down to the studio.  But once I had settled myself into doing the task at hand, I felt glimmers of hope.

Today, I continue to gain strength and gather momentum.  I am not 100% yet, but I am ok with the gradual recovery and taking small steps. I have learned to question my tasks and actions, striving toward the meaningful, while weeding out all of the empty fillers.

I am happy to be back to blogging because I have missed sharing with my creative tribe.  And am grateful for all for the kind words and messages, comments from friends that have continued to check in on me. All of these have been a true comfort.  You may notice in the coming weeks, months... a few changes, a new direction as I continue to uncover this new self.... I hope you will journey along with me.